The Scots have had a lot of fun over the years with the Loch Ness Monster, attracting droves of gullible Americans, hoping to catch a glimpse of the creature. Now that the Scots are making a well deserved bid for freedom we on the south of the border need to be prepared, which we are, with our very own monster, Bownessie. Last year a team of film-makers from Canada came to make a documentary for which they interviewed half a dozen people who have seen the creature, including Tommy Noblett from the Langdale Chase hotel who claims to have felt it swimming alongside him in Lake Windermere. The film has been shown over the pond to great acclaim. I was surprised to be accosted by someone the other day who excitedly told me they had seen me in it. Here is a clip of my contribution, doing my bit for the tourism industry in the Lake District, with a cunning eye towards the Chinese, as well as the Yanks.