The world’s best commute (see http://www.slow-life.co.uk/2010/12/21/the-slow-life-journey-to-work/) has just got a whole lot better now that the Sawrey Hotel has been magically transformed into the Cuckoo Brow Inn. I can take precious little credit for the transformation, but that hasn’t stopped me from lapping up the extravagantly lavish praise which I’ve received from just about everyone in the village of Far Sawrey. The person who deserves the credit is my PA, Sally, who, together with her husband Dan, has been fully responsible for the project, including all the design work. The work started in November last year, since when the 2 Star and rather sad old Sawrey Hotel has been completely gutted and transformed into a 4 star Inn with 14 stylish bedrooms. The work was interrupted for a little while four months ago while Sally gave birth to her baby Florence (http://www.slow-life.co.uk/2011/05/19/the-happiest-smile/), but apart from that she has been indefatigable, and I’m very proud of what she has achieved.

Tucked away behind the Damson Dene Hotel, underneath the Leisure Club is an old decrepit store room which nobody visits. Walking past earlier today, I was surprised to hear what appeared to be a party going on. I popped my head in and there amongst the old abandoned sofas and mattresses, was the astonishing sight of Wayne sounding very much like Elvis! In fact so much like Elvis, that I wondered for a moment whether he was miming into the microphone. Could this be the same person, who, only a fortnight ago was seen shirtless in his caravan singing an off-key Band of Gold to his faithful dog Fly? This, it turns out, was the key to his clandestine crooning. Wayne had been so shocked to hear his singing voice on TV, that he was determined to get it back into shape. This video shows what a brilliant job he’s done and I think the time is right for him to bring his singing out of the shadows.

Crosthwaite is one of the most beautiful villages in England. It’s in the Lake District National Park and happens to be the location of one of my hotels, the Damson Dene. Because it’s in the National Park there are very strict planning regulations, very few planning applications for new buildings are granted every year and those that are, are subject to very strict regulations. One of these is that the roof must be made with Burlington slate. Not any old slate, which might cut the cost by half, but Burlington slate,which is quarried locally and is exactly the right colour. There’s a good reason for this, which is that every house built in the last few hundred years in this area has used Burlington slate. Any other colour would look out of place.

Every house in Crosthwaite, without exception is roofed with Burlington slate. The houses are made of local stone and some of them are whitewashed. I travel through the village nearly every day on my way from Kendal to the Damson Dene and the journey, which takes me through lovely countryside, is a joy, not least because of the vernacular architecture. But now there is a blot on the landscape, or, as Prince Charles would put it, a carbuncle. One of the beautiful old cottages in the village has covered the slate roof with solar panels. They are ugly beyond belief. The sadness is that the local council, who are Lib-dems, and the local MP, who is likewise, all worship at the altar of Green correctness. In their effort to be seen to be Green they overlook the fact that these panels are almost worthless in one of the least sunny parts of England; that they are only being installed because of a taxpayer subsidy and that the cost is added to electricity bills as a stealth tax which is wholly regressive. Both the owner and the local councillors who permitted it should be thoroughly ashamed of themselves.

“Swallows high, staying dry:
Swallows low, wet will blow”

The swallows are back at the Damson Dene, and very welcome they are too, even though their nest, which is just above the entrance to Reception, does create quite a mess. Our guests like to know at the start of each day what the weather’s going to be like and we print off a forecast which, as it’s prepared by the Met Office, is pretty useless. We’d do just as well to ask them to look at our Swallows. If they are flying high, the weather will be warm- this may be because they follow the insects, as the warm currents of air carry the insects upwards. If the weather is cool and wet the insects fly low and the birds follow them. An alternative, and better, theory, is that swallows have ear drums which are sensitive to air pressure, which acts like a built in barometer, which gives them a warning of a change in the weather.

Swallows are one of those birds whose population is rising, particularly here in the west of the country. Amazingly, they over-winter in South Africa. Their ultra-sensitivity to the weather is vital on the long perilous journey, but even so only 50% of adults survive the journey. They always come back to the same nest. Goodness knows what adventures our swallows have had on their journey here- but they’ve made it- and dead on time.

“You must catch this programme. It’s going to be absolutely huge” Fern Britton.

This is Wayne’s first appearance on a chat show but you’d never know. He’s completely natural; the audience love him and it’s clear that they love ‘The Hotel’ as well. Wayne isn’t at all put out when Fern invites him to sit in a ‘cutie-van’ and replies with the quip

“When the caravan’s a rocking.
Don’t come knocking”

Anything over a million viewers would have been acceptable, but Channel 4 were ecstatic to hear that 2.3 million viewers watched the first episode of The Hotel – and that it was the most viewed programme on Channel 4 in the entire week. I got a call not long after the programme ended to say that I must log on to #thehotel on Twitter. It was amazing to see the torrent of tweets – most of them favourable. Two things were obvious – all of the girls loved Amos and everyone loved Wayne, except for the girls who thought that he had been mean to Amos. For a while on Sunday ‘The Hotel’ trended No1 in the UK on Twitter and No2 Worldwide. The video shows an interview with Wayne shown on Granada Reports on Monday evening.

I think we can be pretty confident of a bumper damson harvest this year. Although the warm days which have brought out the blossom have been followed by clear nights there hasn’t been any frost or other adverse weather which might have prevented the fruit from setting.
There was a happy festive atmosphere today and it looks as though, once again, Damson Day has attracted record crowds, which will give the Association some of the funds which they need for the good work they do in encouraging damson growing.
This video gives a taste of what a fun day it was.

“A sheer delight” , “A masterpiece in the art of editing” ,”It’s like Fawlty Towers in Heaven”

The Times

“TV Gold in waiting”
“Meet Wayne- from now on your Sunday nights just won’t be the same without him”

The Sun

Surely these conditions are inevitable now that the councils run out of money? Unfortunately that’s by no means the whole story. The policy of neglect long predates the current constraints. I took photos of the decaying signs three years ago. This civil war has been raging for a long, long time.