Doing the crossword, even if you’re not particularly good at them is one of the greatest pleasures of the Slow Life. There was a time, in days when I seemed to have more leisure, when I always did the cryptic crosswords in the Times and the Telegraph but nowadays it’s the Times 2 crossword, always preceded by the Polygon and the Codeword.
It’s not really the done thing to use a dictionary, and definitely taboo to fall back on the internet. There was a letter in the Times recently from a man who was stumped by the clue “Wild asian ass” (6) and when he googled it, instead of the answer, which is “onager” got a site headed “hot asian chicks shaking love booty”, which put him off the crossword for the rest of the day.

Sometimes a crossword clue is so good you don’t forget it. Here are some of my favourites:

Pain (7,5)
g g e (9,3)
Bar of soap (6,6)

To which the answers are, respectively: French bread; scrambled egg and Rover’s Return

The Government has invited ordinary citizens to present Bills to parliament

This would be a great idea if it turned out to to be more than a stunt. As it happens, a Bill has already been prepared which would be perfect. It was drafted, in verse, by A P Herbert, who was the last Member of Parliament to represent the University of Oxford (before the university seats were abolished).

The Bill was entitled the Spring (Arrangements) Bill, and here’s an extract:

Subsection (1) of Section Four
Of any Act that seems a bore
And all the Acts concerning beer
And every Act that is not clear
(Always excepting Schedule A)
Shall be repealed and thrown away

This would be a good start. It would at least get rid of everything that’s been passed in the last thirteen years.

It’s snowing still” said Eeyore gloomily
“So it is” said Christopher Robin
“And freezing”
“Is it?”
“Yes” said Eeyore. “However” he said brightening up a little “we haven’t had an earthquake lately”.

Not until last night that is. We live in a solidly built Victorian house and the earthquake was fierce enough to shake it’s thick stone walls. Before the shake there was a deep rumble which left us wondering whether the boiler was exploding. This happened at 11pm last night and it was on the BBC’s midnight news bulletin and on the front page of the newspaper (printed in London) which was delivered to us at 6.30 this morning. The earthquake measured 3.6 on the Richter scale and centred on Coniston, about 15 miles from us. It originated 8.9 miles underground.
Earlier in the day I had been asked by the Westmorland Gazette to let them know my hopes, aspirations and fears for 2011 and I’d replied that I’d like a ‘normal’ year- without floods one week, a hosepipe ban the next and snow drifts the week after. Now I can add “and no more earthquakes”.

The quotation is from ‘The House at Pooh Corner’ by A A Milne.

Here is a story which I found profoundly shocking.

30 years ago Alan ‘Tutty’ Brough bought some Shetland ponies for his four daughters. When his daughters outgrew them he released the ponies onto Caldbeck common where they thrived, bred and multiplied and their numbers grew to 102. They became a well known tourist attraction. When the ponies seemed to get too numerous Mr Brough engaged a firm of vets, Paragon Veterinary Group, to castrate the males and the numbers stabilised. However the parish council objected to the ponies and they raised concerns about their wellbeing. Early in the morning on Friday 23rd July Mr Brough was arrested. He was held in a cell at Durranhill police station whilst all the ponies were rounded up by the RSPCA and taken to various sanctuaries. Mr Brough was released without charge that afternoon. When he discovered what had happened to the ponies he went to a nearby church and then to a riverbank where he hanged himself. His body was found by his 18 year old grand-daughter. His daughter Kathleen said: “We begged him to carry on and fight for the ponies. He spent half his life fighting the parish council to keep the ponies on the common. He got up at 5am every day to go out and gather grass for his horses. He spent every day with them”. David Black, from Paragon, said: “Of the ponies we saw, considering their management as wild ponies, the vets involved did not have concerns about their body condition”. The RSPCA at first offered to return the ponies to Mr Brough’s widow, but later withdrew their offer, saying that although there was no evidence of the ponies being maltreated, they were concerned that they might be at some time in the future. Many local people believe that the RSPCA have blood on their hands.
There is a support group for Mr Brough’s family mission to return the ponies to Caldbeck Common – here’s the link- http://en-gb.facebook.com/pages/Tuttys-Shetlands-of-Caldbeck-Common/143354495690305

I love Rod Liddle. He’s one of the few journalists who manages to be entertaining and thought provoking at the same time, which is why I never miss his columns in the Spectator and the Sunday Times. There was no question whose side I was on when Derek Hatton called him a “f****g fat, useless lump” and a “pathetic bully” when he appeared on “Come Dine with Me”. I was chuffed today to see a reference in his Sunday Times column to my appearance on “How The Other Half Lives”. He said he had watched the programme and was struck by the irony of someone from West Cumbria saying that they lived in a crime free area only weeks before Derrick Bird embarked on his killing spree. An excellent joke, only slightly spoiled by the fact that we don’t actually live in West Cumbria, which is an hour and a half away. But Rod Liddle is an excellent journalist and the first rule of journalism is not to let the facts get in the way of a good story.